Dear Lazies: Have I Found the One?

On Embracing Uncertainty and (Not) Settling

Welcome to the third edition of Dear Lazies – a space for open reflection guided by your questions, inner dramas, and desires. Brought to you by Lazy Women’s editor-in-chief, Zsofi.

Each month, the column tackles an existential dilemma sent in by our community, opening the discussion to other lazy women out there to relate to or find comfort in sharing. Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned from 5 years of Lazy Women, it’s that the personal is political — in other words, we’re all navigating the same mess, just in different ways.

For just €5/month, you’ll unlock access to Dear Lazies and our free newsletter, our entire archive of past content, and exclusive members-only discussions and threads.

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“Dear Lazy Zsofi,

How do you know when you've found "the one" or enough of the one to settle into the relationship with confidence, knowing that nothing is ever going to be totally perfect and that's okay, and stop overthinking about whether or not it's really "right" or if you should be looking for something more/different/better?

Any guidance, thoughts, first-hand advice, or recommended reading is much appreciated.

Thanks, Lazy-in-Love”

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Dear Lazy-In-Love,

Ugh. You can’t even imagine how much I’m with you in this and how much of my current days have been spent pondering similar dilemmas. Truth be told, I think it’s one of those questions in life that remains forever relevant, and one that (sorry to disappoint) we will never find a static, all-encompassing answer to.

So if I hadn’t self-assigned myself the task of writing a whole newsletter on this, my short answer would be that, at this mature-yet-indecisive age of 28, I still don’t have the slightest of a clue.

BUT in an attempt to go beyond the painstakingly obvious, I asked myself what some of my experience-informed personal realities (NOT to be confused with universal truths!) are that I stand by at this moment in time.

So, my dear Lazies, enjoy not one but two listicles on the evergreen topic of “the One”. They are not quite the same as the heartwarmingly stupid quizzes in the women’s magazines of our girlhoods, but I hope they’ll spark conversation, self-reflection, or just a split-second of feeling understood.

List #1: Grand Truths, Interrupted

1. If you're doubting, it's not true love…or can it be?

First things first: just because you’re questioning it, I don’t believe that your relationship is intrinsically doomed. I’m starting with this because, for overthinkers like you and me, it’s hard not to feel guilty about our desire to contemplate such topics altogether.

There’s a specific kind of fatal romanticism ingrained in many of us women – a long-brewed magic potion of “feminine knowledge”. It starts with horoscopes at the back of Bravo magazine and Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging, evolving into overheard lore at the nail salon, and inspirational Instagram reels from it-girls who have “manifested it”.

Don’t get me wrong, while I often cherish these forms of alternative wisdom, when it comes to long-term relationships, much of the “expert” advice, such as “if you meet the one, you will just know” or “if you're doubting, it's not true love” sometimes reads too daunting / infantilising / romcommy for me.