Dear Lazies,
In a world obsessed with aesthetics and personas, it’s easy to forget that behind all those curated identities lie the messier, deeper, and more tender truths of our friendships. This month, we’re dedicating our newsletter to a bond that deserves far more nuance than any carousel post or Pinterest board can offer: female friendships.
For many of us, these friendships have been our anchor, our mirror, our softest place to land. But they can also be complicated, fragile, and sometimes painfully disappointing. We want to explore it all: the sisterhoods that have sustained us, the heartbreak of friendship breakups, the small rituals and inside jokes no one else would understand, and the quiet expectations we place on our female friends without even noticing.
Female friendships are, for many of us, the greatest love stories of our lives. We hope this issue reminds you to hold yours gently, celebrate them fully, and rethink the ways you’ve been told they should look.
This issue features illustrations from Paulina Odeth and Kata Kocsispéter
Your Lazies
Lazy Chaharika — A Female Who’s a Friend, Not a Female Friend
Nowadays, we love self-definition and self-characterisation – what does it mean to be a cool girl? A pilates princess? A girl’s girl? While clarity holds its champion’s cup in this circumstance, our experiences limp in the back. I have spent my entire life in close friendships with only women. I am just not the girl men want to befriend – my voice is inordinately shrill and sport confuses me despite numerous efforts undertaken on my part. However, I’d like to believe these things make me a friend to my many female friends. I have always navigated through long-term groups of female friendships – it’s my comfort and where I am my happiest. However, despite the variety of op-eds and carousel posts, not all female friendships are the same and at times, we judge them a little harder than we normally should. It springs from our need to comprehend the woman – who she is, what she does, how she behaves. Hence, the female friend is characterised as a supporter, a listener, a matcha-drinker, protects her peace but also loves to party, toss in a few quirks that are just about annoying enough to be seen as endearing.
I believed this as well, for the longest, the template set by the group of girls I’d known my entire childhood – coolly unbothered, with their own niches, happy to indulge quirks, split interests and different life choices. I too, developed my rigid idea of the ultimate female friend and anything beyond, became performative, fake, disloyal to the cause of all womanhood. As I grew older, my groups of female friends expanded and to my distress, began to question my definition. My two friend groups from University were a mish-mash motley crew of women I had sworn to never befriend – gossip-y, a little vain, centres of attention and, in the least, unaware of the world at large and some, homebodies. I became marooned within groups different from me, and instead of adapting (which I eventually did), I chose to judge and dismiss – these women were not worthy of being “female friends”. But proximity and maybe some maturity led me to change my mind – every female friend was just a friend who was a woman, a flawed woman – who could be a little petty, childish, judgemental. But more importantly, not every woman I met was meant to be my bestest friend and forever companion – some were great for casual coffees, nights out and boozy brunches.
The female friend isn’t a value in itself – the female friend is really just a friend, one who we may love, tolerate, or even dislike at times, but that doesn’t discount the role or the woman in question, a true female friend clearly requires only one thing of you – the deep realisation that women deserve the space to grow, make mistakes and eventually, maybe change if they feel so.
You might want to check it out:
The Lazy Women Podcast: ‘Love, companionship, and belonging: How can we nurture our female friendships?’ episode
Previous Dear Lazies issue (our bonus monthly newsletter for paid subscribers)
No Plot Just Vibes latest episode on friendships in literature.
No Plot Just Vibes is a booksletter and a podcast written & produced by our fellow Lazies Lucie & Julie!
Friendships in our articles:
Archive issues:
Female friendship in literature: an analysis of ‘My Brilliant Friend’ by Elena Giuliano
Illustration by Kata Kocsispéter Friendship Sinking: How Lockdown Affects My Friendships by Jules Reich
In June, we introduced the new format on our website: Lazies’ List! It’s a monthly round-up of recommendations from our team, from food to exhibitions, a sweet nod to pop magazines’ format. Go check What We Loved in May!
As for July, we’re looking forward to hear from you! Our open call this time is dedicated to transitions.
We’re looking for pitches and pieces for both newsletter (short texts + illustrations) and website (longreads, essays, interviews etc)
Think:
💜small shifts that changed everything
💜 big life milestones
💜 emigration, identity, evolving feminisms
💜 how cultural tropes and gender discourse are changing
Find more details on our Instagram!
Send us your pitch via hello@lazywomen.com by July 14!
Red Flags I Wish I Noticed by Lazy Julie
I used to have a very close girlfriend during my teens, the one I thought I’d one day ask to be a bridesmaid (or become hers). It didn’t happen— the long friendship ended over a stupid incident. Looking back, I wondered: how was it even possible to stop being friends after almost ten years, over what seemed like nothing?
It turns out, it was possible only because I had been blindsided, not noticing all the ‘red flags’ (forgive the cliché). The friendship didn’t really end over nothing — there was probably no real friendship to begin with. After reflecting on this experience (and I had plenty of time to do so), I made a small list of things that happened during our friendship that seem deeply questionable from my current perspective. Maybe you’ll recognise some of these (sorry)!
Jokes are only allowed from one side
They can joke about you all they like, mock you, or say something borderline offensive about your weight or your looks. But the moment you try to make a joke about them — it’s over. You’re suddenly the villain.You’re their only friend
This one is personal, but I feel uneasy around people who claim to have no friends at all — except for you. If you are their entire social life, that’s a scary position to be in, because you can easily become a scapegoat or their emotional crutch.
They need you to stay the same
They get uncomfortable or resentful when you change, grow, or try new things, as if your growth threatens them. They want you to ‘settle’.
Everything revolves around them
Your problems are minimised, their problems are magnified. They expect you to be their therapist, but (almost) never return the favour.They gossip about everyone else
It’s normal — we all talk about other people sometimes; we’re social creatures, after all. But what made me truly uncomfortable was the constant negativity about everyone else. And about me? Of course, I was told I was different, not like the others! Sure…
I used to think friendships, especially with other women, should be preserved at any cost — that loyalty meant ignoring your own discomfort. But real friendship should definitely feel safe, reciprocal, and free from these subtle power games. If you see patterns like these, it’s not ‘nothing’ — it’s a sign to pause, reflect, and maybe let go.
If you’ve spotted other red flags or experienced something similar, I’d love to hear your stories in the comments. Let’s help each other keep our friendships healthier and stronger <3
PARIS
From June 5-8, Paris hosted the Transeuropa festival, a transnational artistic, cultural and political festival organised by European Alternatives. Zsofi, our editor-in-chief, represented Lazy Women at the roundtable discussion about ‘anti-gender narratives in European politics’, sharing her experience from Hungary!
We thank Transeuropa festival for the opportunity and will be happy to work together in the future!
Each year, we organise Lazy Summer Picnics for our local members and friends — and this year is no exception! 😊
We’re happy to invite you to our picnic in Paris on Sunday, July 6th. The picnic is free and open to all, so come join us for a chat and (hopefully) a sunny summer afternoon in Buttes-Chaumont Park! À bientôt!
BUDAPEST
On 28 June, a group of Lazies participated in the Budapest Pride march. Despite the Orbán government’s ban on it, we were more people than ever, in a peaceful celebration of love and being ourselves. Dive deeper: French-Hungarian photographer Léa Fiterman’s “Censored Pride: Portraits of Queerness in Hungary” is out now on our website.
Lazy Workshops!
On June 22, we had a workshop on Relaxation and Grounding Techniques led by Lazy Aleli, our podcast lead and a certified yoga teacher based in Paris. It was a lovely, practice-oriented session where we learned about different ways to slow down and relax — much needed :)
Next month, we’ll have another workshop, this time about creative writing (and where to start doing so), brought to you by Zsofi and Julie 💖 Stay tuned, more info is coming soon!
These workshops are one of the perks that our membership offers. Find more information about it here and join the Lazy Women community!
P.S. Our newsletter team is fully volunteer-based. We work on every issue throughout the whole month — picking a topic, collecting submissions and illustrations, writing, and editing.
If you like what we do, you can support our work via a paid subscription option on Substack. This subscription also gives you access to our Dear Lazies column, where Zsofi, our editor-in-chief, answers the questions that bother you and provides advice, thoughts, and recommendations!